Hey dawgs. Sorry I’ve been gone.

This is a sorry excuse for a “blog,” I know. High school has been quite an “adjustment” for me. Plus it’s like 87 degrees below zero this winter.

In our last broomball match, I froze solid in mid-swing. The Bixbys had to put me on a sleigh and haul me home, where it took four days to thaw out. Parts of my hair are still frozen.

Anyway, I promise to be more regular, blog-wise. How’s your winter going?

Your dude le’dude,

Cyril of South Cyril

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Dear Crazy Blog Folk,

I have a quick request of all you fellow dudes and dudettes. If you haven’t done so already, could you please head over to the Amazon.com website and post a quick “Customer Review” of each of the six Spy Gear Adventure books?

All you do is follow this link:

Spy Gear Adventures

Select one of the Spy Gear book titles to go to the page for that book. Then scroll down to the CUSTOMER REVIEWS section and click on “Create Your Own Review.” Just follow the instructions and write up your honest review of the book. You also get to rate the book, from zero to five stars.

Important: You don’t have to buy anything to review a book! All you have to do is tell them exactly what you think of The Omega Operative, The Quantum Quandary, etc, etc, etc.

As of today only Books 1 and 2 have been reviewed by customers … all perfect 5-star reviews, by the way, ha!

Thanks, spy friends.

Your loyal squid wrangler,

Cyril the Cyrilficent

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Yo Team Cyril,

As I drag myself through the last grueling weeks before the holiday break, I must tell you … I’m tired. Very, very tired. Homework is killing me, especially all the work in Deranged Biology. I know entirely too much about cells and fungus and such. And now my first semester exams loom up ahead like Massive Mucus Monsters.

Thus, being so tired and exhausted and such, I did the only logical thing possible: I demanded that other people do my work for me. (This, of course, is what all successful people do.) In particular, my blog work.

So here, below, are some notes of Holiday Cheer from a few people I know,

Your buddy,

Lord Cyril of Hairsnips

***

FROM JAKE BIXBY:
Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed reading about our adventures in the Spy Gear books. I know I did. Except the author is insane. We had to keep fixing things he wrote … mistakes and stuff. For example, he kept calling me “Judy” in Book 4 … like, an entire bunch of times. When I pointed it out (Mr. Barba lets us proofread all his manuscripts, fortunately), he said, “Oh, I just watched the Wizard of Oz with the astronauts up here on the International Space Station, so I guess I was thinking about Judy quite a bit, and, uh, and also Kansas.” And I said, “But her name is Dorothy in the movie.” And then he said, “Shut up, Bixby!”

Anyway, thanks for reading our books. I’ll try to keep you updated on what’s going down in Carrolton from time to time. Cyril will too … but he tends to focus on the weird stuff, usually squids and his hair. Happy holidays, dudes.

FROM CAT HORTON:
Holiday cheers to all. I’m pretty busy with the school’s Holiday Musical this month. We’re doing an original production called “Santana’s Santa Insanity” with singing, dancing and a couple of gun battles. I got the female lead role … I’m the Viking Princess from the Grim Island of Brutality and I lead the assault on the North Pole. I’ll let you know how it comes out. I’m pretty sure I lose.

FROM “LIMA BRAVO” (uh, he won’t give us his real name):
Roger that, Team Cyril, I’m designating you all as Go Team Five, over? Sending deployment orders shortly. Be aware that we have Tango sightings at Points November and Delta, units incoming on all vectors, initial reports suggest Wolf Pack activity. Reconnaissance must be done, and pronto. Roger, out.

FROM LEXI LOPEZ:
Hi everyone. Bye.

FROM MR. LATIMER:
Kids, I’m back. But you knew that, of course … if you read those last lines of Book 6, right? I highly recommend that you all come to Carrolton for the holidays. There’s no place better on this planet, my friends, and that includes Uzbekistan. And the broomball league is a lot of fun to watch, let me tell you.

FROM MARCO:
Don’t you kids have some homework to do? I tried reading Wong’s blog and my eyes started to bleed. Go do something productive, will you? Stop wasting so much time on the Internet. Get outside and, like, throw a ball.

FROM RICK BARBA:
Kids, I apologize for Marco’s rudeness.

But don’t tell him I said that because he’s huge and I fear him quite a bit. Anyway, I hope your holidays are cheerful and fun and full of good books and spying and, you know, just generally invading other people’s privacy, especially adults, because they’re so untrustworthy. Don’t let them get away with anything … because believe me, they’ll try. Keep spying on the bad guys too. AAAAAGGHHH! There’s one behind you RIGHT NOW!

Just kidding. It’s very boring up here on the International Space Station except for all the scientific experiments and whatnot. Every once in awhile we throw something out the door trying to hit the upper left corner of Ohio, just for fun. (Nobody’s hit it yet, although I nailed lower Wisconsin pretty good the other day.) I’m thinking about writing more books … maybe … but nothing has been happening down there on Earth lately.

I’m sure I’ll see something interesting via my spy telescope soon.

When I do, I’ll write about it. In the meantime, go outside right now and wave up at me. I should be passing over your house in about 37 seconds. Hurry!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, TEAM CYRIL (and others)!

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Who invented high school anyway?

Passing period is like making a run through the backstreets of Babbling Insanity. That little girl from “The Ring” sits behind me in my second period class, Deranged Biology. She invited me to go swimming, then growled and tried to grab my spleen.

I’ve really got to spend more time on this blog.

I miss you dudes. I’m kind of sad that the last Spy Gear book is out, but I secretly hope Mr. Barba will write more.

Gotta go. Homework. I have like 70 problems to do for Elementary Functions. Turns out “Elementary Functions” is a pre-Calculus math class. I thought it was about the human body and going to the bathroom and stuff when I signed up. Oh well.

Hang tight, brosephs,

Cyril McAsteroid Blodgekins

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Team, here’s yet more evidence that Total Squidness is on the move all over the planet. Personally, I think it’s only a matter of time until they’re at the top of the food chain.

Take a good look at this Associated Press article from a few days ago.

If it doesn’t give you chills and shrieking tentacular dreams … well, nothing will. And kids, this is a real news article. I am not making this up. THEY’RE COMING!

***
Voracious Jumbo Squid Invade California
By Associated Press
MONTEREY, Calif. - Jumbo squid that can grow up to 7 feet long and weigh more than 110 pounds are invading central California waters and preying on local anchovy, hake, and other commercial fish populations, according to a study published Tuesday.

“Having a new, aggressive, voracious predator set up shop here in California may be yet another thing for fishermen to compete with,” said the study’s co-author, Stanford University researcher Louis Zeidberg. “That said, if a squid saw a human they would jet the other way.” [Yeah, right.]

The jumbo squid used to be found only in the Pacific Ocean’s warmest stretches near the equator. In the last 16 years, it has expanded its territory throughout California waters, and squid have even been found in the icy waters off Alaska, Zeidberg said. [He then screamed with insanity and ran off waving his arms.]

“Local marine mammals needn’t worry about the squid’s arrival since they’re higher up on the food chain,” added Zeidberg, “but lanternfish, krill, anchovies, rockfish [and spies with mad living hair] are all fair game.”

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